HushedStories

New house!

2012-01-03T16:45:00.008+08:00

Hey!

I'm supposed to be extremely busy with the packing and unpacking and the moving to a new flat!

But on the first day of the year, moving day, the whole family was so busy that we skipped eating till after noon.

I couldn't help much with the unpacking. Gastric.

But my parents and sister are serious troopers. Kudos to them.

This flat was half done by the end of the first day. And they only had half of the day.

And oil spilled everywhere! Good luck they say. Hahaha. Adds a light gloss to the floor too.

The cats adjusted really quickly. I guess the things we brought from the old flat makes this new flat smell like home. Feels like home too.

AND!

Its windy on the ninth floor. Cant stand a broom up for an hour!

AND!

Bugs have a harder time gettin to the ninth floor!

AND!

Gosh, there are windows everywhere. So much sunlight gets through that the kitten goes inside a backpack to sleep.

My room gets sunrises. Blinded myself twice already. Haha. But I love it, and the windows!

Since the move, I've been doing some down time.

Finally got more then 3 hour sleeps today! *refreshed*

Happy new year!

Continue

2011-12-21T21:06:00.003+08:00

But I always end up alone
Because I stop walking with people as soon as they get where they wanna go in life.
I dont mind that they dont look back and call me to take their hand.

But its really terribly lonely.

Thinking.

2011-12-12T09:58:00.002+08:00

Been in deep thought. Just about everything.

~~There was news bout a foreign worker trying to commit suicide recently.~~

~~And some people seriously don't have emotions.~~

Ignore that. People can do whatever the hell they want.

Moving along...

I have overcome my low.

But I have plateaued in the middle. Its good though, somehow my thoughts are clear and not all over the place.

I went to someone's wedding yesterday. Someone from my Father's side, that I dont really know. I didn't like the atmosphere. The speakers were loud and people had these "happy" faces.

Somehow I felt it was mostly fake and, I dont know, it just felt wrong.

I realised that I still have the mask that I put on when I'm in these situations, even though my family is there with me. More smiley, more lively.

It was fake and I feel like I deceived my family.

Though, I think the purpose of that mask was to deceive the other people who was looking at me.

Somehow this personality attracts and draws people in.

But I do have that smiley, lively side of me. It was there when I was at Corinne's birthday party and I felt totally different and genuine.

It also attracts and draw people in.

Looks like I'm ranting.

Nevermind. Putting persnality issues aside.

My Mother won't let me get a job because I'm having my wisdom tooth removed on the 22nd.

....

Thanks Mom. I know many people would wish their Moms would say that, but I'm bored at home and I really wanna do something.

But.. Mom insisted.. so here I am.

I miss my friends, but they are either busy or lazy (Lazy= Shaz and Asm)

But honestly, as long as they're happy and doing what they want, I'm fine with it.

I'm used to doing things by myself. God, I really lack trust.

Maybe that's unfair to the people around me and maybe that's selfish of me.

But really.. it doesn't matter what everything adds up to

As long as, in the end, the people that matters to me most are happy.

2011-12-08T00:26:00.001+08:00

I cant shake off this sad feeling.

Gotta get it together.

2011-11-28T10:46:00.000+08:00

2011-11-27T22:07:00.002+08:00

Why do people that I cherish the most, stand just out of reach from me.

Why aren't they closer to me. I dont put up any fences with them and I try so hard to narrow the gap in between.

Maybe they are not as close to me as I am to them.

Maybe it's just not meant to be.

But it still hurts like fuck.

I have had support for so long. Only now do I feel the true pain as I stand alone.

Whats wrong with me.

Why do I purposely choose to stand alone.

Maybe I'm a masochist.

My head hurts so much.

I told myself not to be so dependant on someone but I did it anyway. Knowing all too well what would be the outcome no matter what is said and done.

My own destruction.

I'm gonna lose my mind.

2011-11-27T17:21:00.003+08:00

I keep almost everyone at an arms length.

The people that I want to come closer, they stand just out of my reach.

Yesterday, I thought this depression was related to my flu and fever..

Today I woke up almost cured of them. But the depression is still here.

I'm beginning to think that becoming an empty shell could be the better choice.

I'm trying not to think that no one understands.

I'm trying not to think these kinda thoughts but they just keep coming and my will to fight is near zero.

Feel like disappearing.

2011-11-23T17:08:00.002+08:00

Horrible dreams again.

Dreams where I die.

My face was buried in a pillow. Face down.

Had no control of my body.

I died in my dreams.. again.

Not only that. After that, I had another dream.

Like 10 dreams all mashed together giving me a mix of scenes and bit and pieces like from a movie trailer.

It was sick and twisted.

Also has one other dream, which i shall not mention.

I woke up feeling sick. Mentally. Physically.

Felt like puking. For some reason, I doubt that what wanted to come out was puke. I held it down anyway.

I fear for my mental state.

Keep forgetting

2011-11-20T07:17:00.004+08:00

I keep forgetting to thank people.
Ending up thanking them online, which is less personal.
Gotta make a habit of thanking people on the spot.
Corchan helped me shop for some art supplies the other day. (Thank you)
And I've been drawing and painting since.

~~SOMEONE has a new game and came online in maple just to boss. Then said be right back without coming back!~~
Shouldn't so easily put my trust in people.

Anyway, the cat finally gave birth to a litter of six, half of which died.
And I felt like no one understood me at all.
Although they meant what they said. Suddenly, words seemed to only be words.

Rise and fall seem to be coming in waves that towers over everything. And as it all comes crashing down, it is all that is seen. A dragonfly teaches and heals only to take it all back when it flies away.

Feeling very lonely.

---------------------------------------------------------

Photos

One of the kittehs~

2011-10-23T01:29:00.002+08:00

I don't like it when people try to control me.

So I cant control what people want to do.

Getting upset over that will just waste my time and energy.

I'm just gonna be happy and enjoy the 'now'.

But it's hard to keep the future out of my mind when I know I won't like it.

What should I do..

I will keep my selfish wishes to myself.

And smile until the moment comes where we part ways again.

I'm happy for now.

Cold cold

2011-10-20T06:30:00.002+08:00

It has been cold.

I cleaned my room and decided that my thick blanket had to be washed and cleaned, right before the weather got cold.

So I caught the flu. Leaking nose and zonked out half the time because of sneezing.

Karma? Maybe. Hahaha.

Anyway, I cant get to sleep. So some thoughts popped up in my head while I was staring at nothing, drinking water from one of those 1.5 litre bottles.

I realised this some time ago actually.

Now I know, in my religion at least, why tattooing is not allowed.

Not because something foreign and permanent was entering your body.

but because it hurts the body. (In my honest opinion, of course. Other people may say otherwise.)

Being not so educated in my own religion, I grew up mixing the little things that was taught to me with my own views on things.

God made everything. So nothing is actually forbidden.

If something is really forbidden, and its left on earth to tempt and test us humans. Then its only human to give in (or not) to temptation, to pass or to fail the test.

And then we learn from the mistakes we make.

We are not born smart and that is how he teaches us.

(Again, just my opinion.)

Besides, the body is an amazing thing. Self-healer.

I also recently read something about a group that is of a religion but the ways of praying is similar to that of another religion. (?)

Uhh.. Dont know what all the fuss is about?

There are many different types of people in this world

so it kinda makes sense that there are also a whole lot of different religions.

Hence all the different ways of worshipping and praying to a God.

But thats just it. A God. ONE.

Uhh.. Hello?

Don't know why suddenly religion is the topic today.

Anyway, I'm having some issues right now.

Wondering whether I should keep them to myself, feeling safe and guarded

or just let everything out but then feeling vulnerable.

And if I choose one, I will long for the other.

Ahh, what the heck. :D

2011-10-17T15:41:00.000+08:00

2011-10-04T20:14:00.002+08:00

People are built to resist a lot of things.
Lol. Those tribes that live in forests. They live off the land, grow their own food and whatnot.
And thats just living.
They dont have, and prolly dont need over half the things all of us here have.

Obviously, we all cant live freely like them..
One of the reasons being, Singapore dont have any legit forests left.
So, I'm going for the minimal. + whatever makes me happy.

If you're alive, you already have everything you need. Thats what I believe.

Just a thought I wanted to share.

2011-09-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

Smiles and laughter might just be enough for you to not notice that I stand just out of reach from your hands because of the fear of history repeating.
And that just makes me feel disconnected from everything.

I want to work and not depend on anyone. Work. Family. Friends.
I just want to live. Without all these extra things around.
Petty problems. Restrictions.

I wish I could care less about other people. How they're doing, how they feel, are they happy?
Wish I could make them happy and absorb all the problems they have. But I dont have the right words to say, the right things to do.
Put on a happy face despite everything, hoping that some of that "happiness" rubs off on the people around me.

I feel like I really need the beach right now.
It calms me down and gives me a 'free' feeling. Lets me forget.

I won't mind anything.

2011-09-25T14:09:00.001+08:00

As long as you're happy.

Fire flower.

2011-09-20T19:56:00.002+08:00

Every now and then.

2011-09-12T22:04:00.002+08:00

Every now and then, this weird feeling comes to me.

It's been a long time but I felt it coming.

Makes me feel lost and like most of the things I'm doing is pointless.

Been keeping a lot of things to myself, every since last year to be exact.

And everytime something happens, I smile and laugh it off like it's not a big deal. Put it in a box and lock it up to be dealt with later. And later never comes.

The signs are there, I'm over-happy most of the time, more hyper then usual. Because it's getting harder and harder to ignore each and everyday.

I teared up in class last friday. And that was like the first crack in my emotional dam.
I can feel it wanting to break soon.
I'm trying to plaster it all up wishing that the clouds would take all the troubles away.
And then let it rain down somewhere else.
But that's never gonna happen.

Everyone's stressed out.
I'm no where near passing my papers.
I don't feel a connection with anyone anymore.
And suddenly, I'm stuck in my head feeling like I'm going nowhere.

I find one thing funny in all this mayhem.
Everyone in my family knows the true reason why we didn't go out to meet our relatives that day..
Its not because Mom couldn't get away from work.
Its not because Dad needed to catch up on his rent.
And my sister could've gone out herself to see a few relatives like she did before.
Thats all excuses so they wouldn't have to say the real reason.

I did whisper it to myself that day..
We always visited his house first.
But he's not there anymore.

2011-09-10T01:21:00.003+08:00

Please ignore the spaz I had on the last last post.
Figured I wouldn't have to represent myself on myself.
So just let it be.

Anyway,
FRIDAY.
Had 2, at most 3 hours of sleep. Woke up at 7am for class.
I love friday's class. It has good vibes along with the people in them.

Ended at 1pm.
Yadda yadda, delay delay.
Reached home at around 2.30pm
Wanted to take a nap before meeting ASM and Shaz, but couldn't get to sleep.

Met them, Had dinner, and an awesome karaoke session!
Throat pain.
We were dead tired at the end of it.
And walked to the interchanged.
And got home.
That's my day.

Thought I would just give an update.

.. and had a good chat with you too. :D

Happy!

2011-09-01T20:21:00.002+08:00

Lol. Learned something new. I like this.
So I've been keeping the ink away from water. And have been feeling the PAIN for a couple of days.
UNTIL like 15 minutes ago, I took pictures of it with my camera and realised there were plasma(?) on it. My head immediately said I have to clean this. I did and re applied some moisturiser and I feel SO MUCH BETTER!
I can move my shoulder again! LOL.

So lessons learned.
1. Moisturise frequently but lightly.
2. Clean it with a little bit of water with/without LIGHT disinfectant using only your fingers, LIGHTLY!
3. My skin hasn't started peeling yet but I know whatever you do, Do Not Scratch!

Happyhappyhappy.
Shaz's birthday!
Soon!

Tattoo

2011-08-31T22:20:00.002+08:00

I got myself a tattoo.
Originally, in my mind, I wanted four stars in a square over my heart.
(Lol. I know right. A bit cheesy.)
But it represents, my parents my sister and me.
(Fuck. I forgot my brother. WHAT THE FUCK??? LOL!!!! Ok.. Note to self: Add a hollow star.)
(REALLY SIA! WHAT THE FUCK! OMG SO LOL.)

-continues-
Then the tattooist drew the design out and put it on me. I thought it looked funny. Then he said it looked funny. "One more star, hen will be like singapore flag." So, glad I didnt ink the 4 star square thing.
Then he put the stars in a row. Two big stars for parents, then two small ones for my sister and me.
So I said, make it four stars big then small then smaller then smallest.
Which really holds more meaning.

The actual tattooing didn't hurt that much.
(Ok sorry. Im still not over how I forgot my brother for my tattoo. LOL. WHY OH WHY. HAHAHAH. Seriously, I find this hilarious. God. Lol.)

SUPER NOTE TO SELF (again): GET ANOTHER FRIGGIN STAR.

Anyway,
Had my english O lvl oral today.
It was about the environment. The text I had to read was about a family going to the botanical gardens. The picture thingy had five people in it, probably a family, looking at leaves of a plant or a tree. The conversation was about the environment. I think I got an extra point for putting in the melting ice caps as an example! So I'm feeling pretty okay bout it.

Okay, thats it. Prelims are coming. No sweat? :D

2011-08-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

Day 29: 3 Wishes
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

THREE WISHES

ONE: I just researched and searched and searched all over the internet to find any salons in Singapore that can do feather hair extensions. Still cannot find. Found alot of online stores, alot of DIY kits. So looks like I have to find it old skool style. Jump around town and ask!
I dont think Singapore hair styling industry so outdated until dont have this feather extension trend. Sure to have one. SURE!!! FOR SURE!!!!! -increasing confidence in the existance of these things in Singapore salons.-
SO, number one is, I wish to be a featherhead.

TWO: I wish to do well in my upcoming 'O' Level english oral exam thats happening this coming Wednesday. And also to do well on the rest of the 'O' level papers thats happening Oct/Nov.

THREE: To get a good job after the 'O' levels. I also would like to maintain or improve on the relationships with my family and friends.

-----------------------------
I will skip the picture of myself.
And the 5 good things that happened since I started this challenge. (Both related and unrelated to the challenge itself)

1. More blogging. Less boredom.

2. New found appreciation for the people around me. For example, when I realised my friends in POA class actually noticed my Dad 'change taxi'. I said, "All of you noticed?? *blur face*". They all said, "YEAH." Its funny what the little things in life do to you.

3. Realised that there are actually quite a number of good guys out there. They just need a little polishing up. And girls need to open up their eyes more and check themselves: like, for example, they looking for Prince Charming but they are the wicked witch of the west. :P. Match yourself with the expectations you have in the people you're finding. That goes to everyone.

4. I had fun.

5. I cant recall any other good thing that happened to me in the last 30 days. But there's something thats in my mind now and its that.. school is ending in one/two months.
One month can pass by so fast. The next two months wont be any different. I'm going to treasure every moment I have left. I know after school ends, people can plan and meet up. But in reality, how many people would actually do that?
So by the end of the term, I'll probably be saying my last goodbyes to my classmates in the crappily managed school. I hope it wouldnt be my last goodbye to them, but for these kinda things.. it usually is. WHO KNOWS! :D

So thats it.
My last post for the 30 day challenge thing.
I love everybody I know. Even if I say I hate them.
I wont really say I hate them if I didn't love them first.
I will give goodbyes with a smile and welcome them back anytime, in the same way.
I am glad that I took all the good and bad steps that brought me here.
And I dont regret anything.

Heh. Thats the end of my rambling then.

26, 27 and 28!!

2011-08-21T13:53:00.003+08:00

Day 26: Your Dream Wedding
Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out

Have been busy painting the house WHITE to get it ready for evaluation from the HDB and totally forgot bout blogging.

26!
Dream wedding? Lol.
Ok. Skip the traditional malay wedding (unless the husband wants it). Go to a nice romantic place during sunset where the light of the setting sun hits everything the right way, making the place look magical, to make our promises to each other. *shivers*

27!

The floating platform and unfinished Singapore Flyer.

28!
Something that stresses me out.
Truthfully? It's my mother. LOL. Ahh, personality clashes and smothering from her..
I know she means good but sometimes it just gets to me.

20four and 20five

2011-08-18T02:45:00.002+08:00

Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

24.
The way you think affects everything. If you think negatively, a small problem would seem like the world is ending. If you positively, all the problems in the world can be handled.

25.
1. Gone by Daughtry
2. Naturally by Selena Gomez
3. Whoa by Paramore
4. Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold
5. Goodbye by Air Supply
6. Unbeautiful by Lesley Roy
7. Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park
8. Crash World by Hilary Duff
9. Back To December by Taylor Swift
10. You And I by Scorpions

Day 23: Favorite Movie

2011-08-16T11:20:00.002+08:00

Whats my favorite movie?

I don't know.

But I know there was only a couple of movies that I watched in the theatres that got me glued to the screen.

And that was War of thr worlds and the other one I think was The Grudge.

twenty-one and twenty-two

2011-08-15T03:16:00.003+08:00

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?

WHY? Because I have a complicated relationship with the "dark". I love it yet I won't let it engulf me. I won't try to control it nor will I let it control me. Its a hated infatuation that I have with it and this photo portrays the twisted love perfectly.

Day 22: What's in your purse?

I dont have a purse. I have a sling bag that functions as a purse though.

In it is, my school books, notes, etc. Phone, wallet, ipod. I have a card holder with my ezlink in it with a landyard attached to it (better than scrambling for it when the bus comes right?)

Thats bout it.

19 and 20!!

2011-08-13T05:46:00.003+08:00

Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames

19.
SomeTHING I miss.
Bubbles!!
AND!
This springy toy!! Also known as SLINKY~!

20.
Nicknames?
Wow so many.. ok.
Imma just list them all.
From short versions of my name to full on nicknames.

Mala
Anjas
Lala
Nyra
Koko
Alice
And the most recent nickname is *drumroll*
"MALS"!

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

2011-08-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Anywhere. As long as its with the people I love.
Eating alone is just another way of survival.

_____________________________________________

Yeah, kinda feeling a bit down right now.

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

2011-08-10T20:24:00.002+08:00

Right now.
I look forward to the day our paths cross again.

I was reminded again today, how close we are without even trying.
I wonder when we will meet again.
I'm sure there'e a reason as to why I can't forget you when it's usually very easy for me to forget.

Day 16: Dream house

2011-08-09T18:34:00.004+08:00

Old-style japanese house. Maybe with a pond. Very peaceful and close to nature.

Day 15 and ITS MY BIRTHDAY!

2011-08-08T00:11:00.002+08:00

I welcome myself to the second decade of my life.

Day 15: Favorite quotes and why.

"Change is the only constant."
I have this quote engraved on the back of my Ipod Nano.
Because everytime I get upset, music is the #1 thing that can soothe me (or prolly a long shower).
So anytime in the future, if I get upset and listen to the music on my Ipod to calm down, I will be reminded of this.

Its a fact that is eternal.

I'm 20! OFFICIALLY.
Sweet Mr.Fameray treated me to the Captain America movie and a Sakae sushi dinner! *happy*
Then we explored *scape a little bit.
Heh. The queue at all the taxi stands were really long.
And there were a lot of people.
And as I got into a cab (finally).
He shouted back, ".. and text me when you get home!"
Like.. omg? In front of all these people, so sweet right? :D

haha. Maybe it's normal for a lot of people. But not to me so yeah. :D
A good start for my second decade of life!

13 and 14!

2011-08-07T02:00:00.003+08:00

Yeah I slept the whole day again. Lol.

Day 13: Goals
Short-term:
Get the O level cert and decide whether to start working or get a dip.
Long-term:
Find a job that allows me to take home about 1k every month - Yeah, I know I probably wont start out with 1k a month. So it's something I need to work on over time.
And then just settle down and be happy.

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?

Lol, I like the eye make up in the second one so I just had to include that.

Well, I passed my driver's license last year. The decision to get a license was made in 2009 and it was really the first step to "recovery" for me.
The first step to taking back the reins to my life after being 'dead' since leaving secondary school.
After that, I decided to go back to school and get a cert.

How have I changed?
I don't know. I feel more sure of myself. Im more 'concrete', more firm than I was before. I know who and what I am and it doesn't have any name other than mine.
Yes, these thoughts have been with me since last year and maybe the years before that. At that time, maybe these thoughts were 10%, 20% true. Now its 60%, maybe 70%.

I cant say 100% because there's a lot more to learn. There are alot of ways I can change in the future. Too many possibilities.

Thats bout it

Day 11 and 12~!

2011-08-05T05:48:00.004+08:00

Yeah. It was a rainy day yesterday. So I just slept!

I'm going to do Day 11 and 12!!

Day 11: Favorite tv shows
Currently is Drop dead diva.
But overall favorite would be The Mentalist and House.
Both shows has unique lead characters.

The Mentalist - the cute, mysterious, quirky Patrick Jane played by Simon Baker.

House - the genius narcissist Dr. Gregory House played by Hugh Laurie.

Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without

Wallet. Thats it.
I can survive without my phone and other stuff.

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

2011-08-03T20:38:00.003+08:00

Here's the thing. I don't know what I'm afraid of.

I mean, if a roach chases me(roaches are known to chase people ok!), of course Imma run away. I just dont want it on me.

I think I'm gutsy enough to know what to do when something bad happens. So fear of being rejected/left alone/etc, is a no.

What am I afraid of??

I am afraid of one day, letting my emotions take over and then saying or doing something with a clouded judgement.

I'm afraid of regrets.

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend

2011-08-02T21:31:00.003+08:00

Hahaha!

Shaz!

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

2011-08-01T22:29:00.004+08:00

Indonesia!

Haven't traveled to many places in my life. All travelling were to Malaysia and Indonesia.

Went to Indo twice.
My first time was a few years back. We (my whole famiy) went along with this tour guide thing. We actually went to those ulu ulu kampong(really really old) places. but it was nice. Could see, feel, smell, hear, taste the awesome nature. There were thousands of feilds and hundreds of mountains! Felt really close to nature there. We went around convoy style (because the roads were small and couldn't fit buses).
There, we ate fish by the river (or beach.. or reservoir. I dont remember). So yummy. And the air was so clean. It felt like I've never breathed properly my whole life until I was there.
There was a day when the group went for a short trek into the bushes. I didn't participate, so I just sat back with a few others in this.. wooden hut thing with no walls. I sat facing the back where the landscape was going down. It was a field of something.. rice I guess. The field was going downhill.. staggered like a staircase. And then beyond that was a mountain. And everything was green. I think I have a picture.

And there's another stunning scene. I hope to see in real life more scenes like these. :D

(Yes. I had to watermark the photos. Photo stealing isn't nice.)

Ok. Thats about it.

My ultimate wish though, is to see rural japan. Natural outdoor baths, sliding doors and all. xD

Day 7: Favorite movies

2011-07-31T02:17:00.002+08:00

Movies! I love horror movies. But cant watch it alone for some reason. Haha.

Well, one of my fave movies that I can think of right now is I Am Legend!
You know, Will Smith and dog. Zombies. Haha.
OH! Classic disney movies!! Old time favorites! Cinderella, little mermaid, snow white, beauty and the beast! Haha. Not forgetting, LION KING!

Ahh, theres too many to mention.
Old style and new style horror/thrillers. (Saw movies! Final destination movies! Scream movies! Those thailand ghost movies which can scare me right off my seat!)
Comedy and classics.

Not much into chick flicks and romance.
(Yes, disney classics has a good amount of romance but not the kind of romance you get in the live-action non-disney movies. Disney does innocent girly romance! Which I happen to find really cute.)

In short, I only like Disney romance xD.
And new style comedy.
And very much of horror.

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

2011-07-30T01:18:00.002+08:00

KITTENS!

'nuff said.

(I want that grey kitty in the last photo)

Day 5: A song to match your mood

2011-07-29T01:21:00.002+08:00

Mood.
Well I dont know.
Let's see. This song is really nice. :D

Complicated - Rihanna
(Yeah kinda into Rihanna)

The song. Heck, everything gets complicated sometimes, just like the relationship in the song, but somehow everything will turn out fine. Gotta believe. Haha.

Heh. Thats it for Day 5.
(Got a strange feeling to party)

Day 3 and 4.

2011-07-28T04:13:00.004+08:00

I have school from 8.30 am to 6 pm on Wednesdays. And usually Tuesday nights I can't sleep, so when I get home. I sleep. Lol. I missed my Day 3 post. Gonna do day 3 and 4 in one shot to make up for it.
Day 3: Your first love
Day 4: Your parents

3.
My first love. Does Ben from A1 count? I really liked him. :D
Alright alright. First official love is the AMK GUY! Fadli. Lol.
Had some hook ups before him but they quickly turned into nothing. Not compatible, I guess.
Anyhoo, the AMK guy and I were the goth couple. We had fun. Had the same sense of humour.
I knew him for about two years before getting together with him. Actually, I kinda hated him.. LOL. Life is weird. xD.

4.
My parents.
(Lets sidetrack a little)
My teacher told me that there were 5 love languages, her friend told her about it when she read it from a book. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Different people love in different ways. And its because of these different ways, that people may sometimes misunderstand each other.
Here's a LINK

An example would be. My mom and me. Her love language would probably be Acts of Service. She works hard, tries to do everything. But I find it smothering and suffocating. I know, I sound bad, but sometimes I just wanna do my things on my own without her poking around. My love language would probably be Quality Time. All I want is to hang out. And I feel most disappointed when plans get cancelled. My Mom works all the time = no hang out time. That resulted in me feeling that my Mom not really knowing who I am.

Thats just it.

Her idea of loving her family is to provide for them in any way she can.

My idea of the same thing is to spend time with each other.

So when my teacher told me about this. Weirdly, everything made sense!

Anyway, back to the topic.

My parents are good people. hard workers. Its really cute how they got together. My Dad and Mom worked at the same place. Dad liked Mom and asked her to marry him.

(I know right, kampong times, you see, you like, you marry. Why so easy?? Now, date for 3 years also wont marry. Haiyo..)

She ask him to go away for a year and think bout it b'cos at that time, she was already divorced TWICE. So, the next year, my Dad came back, approached my Mom, and she totally forgot bout him. (Yes, my Mom was very fierce.) She brought him to see my uncle and my uncle said that my Dad was a good match for her. So they got married. LOL! (My uncle was my Mom's neighbour when she was married to another guy. He supported her when she was having it hard. And when my Mom got divorced and abandoned by her family, she lived with my uncle.)

Their marriage was not really accepted by both sides. Resulting in pure abandonment from their families. They were on ther own. Still living with my uncle, they started their lives from nothing. They worked hard, saved up and then got their own flat.

EVERYTHING they have now is from their blood, sweat and tears and I am very proud that I have their blood in my veins. :D

There it is! My day 3 and 4.

LOL I just did the quiz on the 5 Love languages page! and my guess was right! Holy shizz!

Look!

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

2011-07-26T12:34:00.002+08:00

Hushed stories.

Pretty self explained isn't it?

Some stories, when you begin telling it. People will stop you, make you keep it to yourself. There are some things people don't wanna know or they refuse to listen to.
So blogging, is telling stories without saying a word literally, hence 'soundless', 'voiceless' stories.
= hushed stories.
This blog is a compilation of stories of, well, my life. Maybe I'll write a book someday (or not). Haha!

Been using 'hushedstories' for some years now. Its my email address, my deviantart name. It is fit to be a blog name.

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

2011-07-25T22:40:00.005+08:00

Day 1

So I'm suppose to introduce myself? Get recent picture of myself and put down 15 interesting facts. Ok.

Hi! Everything that is suppose to be in my introduction is to the right of this page :D.
Now for the recent picture.. Let's take the latest photo from my facebook.

Latest photo uploaded by friend.

Latest photo uploaded by me. (And that's Mitsy)

15 interesting facts.

1. I wanna work in a library.

2. My first boyband crush was Ben from A1

3. I think metal and mild opera singing is a good mix.

4. I have been a fan of Linkin Park for half my life. (approx. Haha.)

5. But have never been to any of their concerts.

6. I'm not sure I can pass my O levels.

7. I can zone out anytime when my Mom is nagging. (good skill)

8. I attempted to take my own life at 14.

9. I have had banana flavour ice cream with orange chocolate before. Nice

10. I think my cat understands me O.O

11. I want a chocolate waffle. Now.

12. I love horses. :D

13. Im a good kisser!! (So I've been told. Haha!)

14. I dont know what my favorite color is anymore.

15. I love my school (minus the administrative office. Bunch of screw ups.)

30 day. starts now.

2011-07-25T22:32:00.002+08:00

Decided to do a 30 day blogging thing. Just for the fun of it.

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts
Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: Your first love
Day 4: Your parents
Day 5: A song to match your mood
Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7: Favorite movies
Day 8: A place you've traveled to
Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend
Day 10: Something you're afraid of
Day 11: Favorite tv shows
Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without
Day 13: Goals
Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?
Day 15: ~~Bible verse~~ Favorite quotes and why.
Day 16: Dream house
Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat
Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Day 23: Favorite Movie
Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26: Your Dream Wedding
Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out
Day 29: 3 Wishes
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

Heh. I'll start now.

Free time!

2011-06-25T01:08:00.002+08:00

Finally! Some free time.

Actually I've had a lot of free time but my mind was cluttered. It still is. But It's getting better.
So, mid-years almost over. Then I have the Oral O LEVEL Exam on the 6th? I think. Then, my family and me will be taking off to.. Sarawak then Indonesia and back. Hopefully that fresh air would do me some good. The math paper today (or should I say yesterday) was a TOTAL KILLER. And I really mean TOTAL like 100% absolutely fail. :D And that's 'cause I didn't study at all for it.

Anyway. Topics for this post. 1. Maple (as usual) 2. Books 3. Boys. (I know right, weird) 4. Everything else.

So!
1. Maple.
As you know, I've migrated from Bootes to Aquila. And got f-ed up. My maple husband apparently has upped and goned to America for a vacation. And told me on the last minute and bombed me with "it will be about 2 months". Hmm. And then SOMEONE kept complainin that the alliance was too noisy. Broke off with them, and now SOMEONE says its too quiet. Go figure. I have enough crap to deal with, I dont need more from a friggin game thats s'pose to be fun.
So when Kim set up an outing for the Bootes clique, hell yes! (It was near disaster. Another story, that I DONT wanna get into.) So yeah, Im sorta back in Aquila now. And sorta getting over Maple. Sadly, I made a really good friend over in Aquila. And I dont know how to break it to him that I'm going back to bootes or ,a crazier idea, get him to come to Bootes with me.

2. Books.
I've been escaping into books lately. I can do about 4cm of pages in one sitting. (The books doesn't have its pages numbered) Currently reading the House of Night series by P.C Cast and Kristin Cast. Its a Young adult fiction. I feel like it lingers between teenager and young adult. Anyway, I imagine the scenes as I read, thats what let me escape from reality for a little while. I know that my situation isn't as bad as alot of other people's. But this is how I deal with it.

3. BOYS.
I know you all like this topic.
Is it me, or does cute guys keep popping up in my life? Dont get me wrong, I dont mean cute looking, I mean cute as in overall cute. Maybe it's just how I see people. In my classes, there are quite a few. Some are actually really cute, some look normal but their personalities makes them wayy cute. NO, I WONT NAME NAMES. Even though I am tempted. And weirdly, sometimes I find myself gushing about them. Again, dont get me wrong, I'm not in love with them or anything but it's just nice to know that there are still AWESOME and DECENT guys out there. Haha.

I actually snapped at one of these guys recently, because I borrowed him my book and he kinda passed it to his friend and I had to get it back because I needed it too. And I was thinking, he's gonna be like "Whats her problem?". But then the next time I saw him, he was like all Heyy~ What up? *grins*. I know, cute right? *gushes* *ehem* Hmm. Then another guy, the other day he said If something/someone was meant to be yours, you'd only have to touch it and it will come to you. But id it wasn't, you can fight and struggle all you want but you still wont get it.

He didn't say it in so many words but thats how I can basically put it. It somehow stuck with me, in my head. Its true to a certain extent.
But I also believe that we, just like birds, cats, dogs, etc, are just God's creatures and we all have been given free will and a true INSTINCT that most of the time, we dont exercise the free will and we ignore the instinct or what some people call "just a gut feeling". Thats kinda sad.
If my instincts tell me, "thats for me", I will chase that to the ends of the earth. Thats just me, of course.

There's also this one guy. During the Math exam break(Yesterday), He suddenly asked, 'So how's the POA paper?' (Which was onwednesday, by the way) I was stunned for a moment. I didn't know this guy. I think I saw him a few times before? I dont think he's in any of my classes. Why was he asking me? Then I was all, 'uh. It was okay.' And then it was hard to talk 'cause the place was too noisy and there was some miscommunication. Which DID NOT help my 'trying to talk with this cute guy' thing going on. Ughh.

Then there's this maple friend from Aquila that I met. It was crazy spontaneous and I like that. Spontaneous. Wasn't really tall, but good looking minus the weird hair.O_O We smuggled in KFC into Cineleisure's theatres and watched Laddaland. HORROR. (I remember laughing in my head cos I felt him jerk back from the scary sound effects) Heehee.

Of course, not forgetting the super awesome guys in the Bootes clique. :D.

OH! HAHA! Suddenly my POA teacher came into my mind. He's a short, kinda beer-bellied Indian man. With a very expressive face. When he's teaching, his mouth would be like this :C, not angry or sad. (Ok, maybe scary to people who are not used to him) Then suddenly if something funny pops up his face would be like C:. Grinning for ear to ear. Dont know, I feel closest to my POA teacher compared to my other teachers, where it feels like theres a barrier or something between us.

Which also reminds me of the POA GENIUS, Chris. Earlier today (yesterday), Before the Math paper, when the person (whoever he was) practically demanded everyone outside to get in the hall. (Like this: 'ALRIGHT! EVERYONE COME IN!' Like seriously dude, we're not in the friggin army.) I was like, "What the hell is wrong with that guy? I feel like punching him in the face. He's no better today then the previous days. God!"
(I have to side track a little. THIS DUDE was seriously f-ed up. My classmate was sleeping during the business studies paper. Then his guy BANGED on the table so loud. I felt my old self coming out again and couldnt help giving him a snarl and a stare myself. He could've just woke the dude up, was the banging on the friggin table really necessary? I REALLY wish and hope, next Tuesday, on my last paper, he would try to shout and then loose his voice.)
Anyway, after my little ranting out loud (purposely, and I wasnt alone on the rantly either). The genius put his arm around me and said chill, and something bout the guy being stressed or something. (And i was hoping his geniusness would rub onto me. Heh) Nice guy eh? His friendliness is something hard to find among the local people around here. He is indonesian. (Just sayin, cos I found indonesians extremely friendly, in a good way)

So yeah. Cute guys keep popping up. I'm just glad I'm surrounded by all this positive energy. (which is a huge contrast to the situation at home right now) They all give off a really good vibe.

4. EVERYTHING ELSE.
GONNA PARTY TODAY! Yay (hoping there are enough drinks).

AND. You know, on Monday, I had my english paper and my table was all the way at the back. Where there's alot of human traffic at the beginning and after the paper. So, surprisingly I got a lot of "good lucks" and *tap on shoulder* *thumbs up*. And a weird thought came to my mind: 'I didn't know I knew so many people.'
And I didn't really feel the power of support and good energy until that 'English paper' day.
Dont get me wrong, My family gives me support. So do my friends outside of that school. But the feeling I got from these people were different. Its like, i've known them for only 'so long' and they support me? Somehow that thought was weird to me.
I figured it's because I have not been exposed to much in my life. Although I feel like what I've already been exposed to was much enough. The realisation was that, it wasn't much. What I know so far, isn't much of life at all. It isn't much of anything at all. I feel like my life has just started, and the past 19 years of my life.. wasn't much to look at.
Sad thing is, I'm already thinking about death.

Its like I belong and I dont belong here altogether.

But I've decided. To follow my instincts, to exercise my free will, appreciate what I have, remember what I've lost and live the life God has gifted to me.

(yeah, im talking bout GOD. Weird huh)

2011-05-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

I wanna move out.

2011-05-23T04:24:00.002+08:00

I have placed an archive.
For your light reading!
Please remember I started this blog in 2006 which was.. 5 years ago = I was 14, and stupid.
So, yeah.

Seeping..

2011-05-23T03:23:00.002+08:00

You seem to be seeping into my mind every night.

I haven't been feeling like this continuously since I was 14.
And at 14, I was feeling like this for a not good reason enough.
It's somehow a deeper feeling now.

...
"I have nothing to be depressed about."
What an unconvincing statement.
I should look at the brighter side. But, I am, from a very young age, attracted to the beauty of the dark.

Actually, I wanted to write about how everyone's saying 2012, the world's gonna end.
And that I would take it a day at a time and be happy.
And do what I want.

.. Do what I want..
The only thing thats stronger than my attraction to the dark is my will to be free.
So I will be.
I just realised, the only thing holding me back is myself.
Why?
Good question.

I'm gonna be free. Until my last day.

2011-05-22T04:04:00.002+08:00

Came across a photo of you.. And caught myself staring at it for a while.
I wondered what happened and why are you not here anymore.
I wondered if I did anything wrong.. and if I did, why couldnt you tell me.
I was left hanging here, wondering.

This is why I shouldnt sleep in the day and stay awake at night.
The silence lets the past and unresolved catch up.
Really dont like asking why this happen or why its like this.
Time to push the past and unresolved back and hope it never surfaces again.

But I'm sure it will.. on another night like this.

Smiles

2011-05-18T00:47:00.003+08:00

I found myself smiling at life with all its hardships and all the joys it threw at me. Haha.
Getting caught up in things that seems miniscule now is just being human.
And we are flawed in so many ways. But we can still do great things as individuals. Thats what makes everyone different and it also makes misunderstandings.

Why is life, as they say, a circle? Why not a square or a triangle?
Because squares and triangles are harder to turn.
A circle, a little push and it rolls.
it goes round and round, so noone is actually forever at the bottom.
Alot of the people that you always see complaining bout how sucky life is, just cant see what they have. Shit happens right? (Whats the opposite of shit?) Well nice things happen too.

All I'm sayin is, if you keep being negative and keep complaining bout the shitty things life throws you then you'd be focused more on the negative. And for what?

For friggin what? Think people.

2011-05-11T01:44:00.002+08:00

I cry seeing you do such things because of things that are not worth you doing such things.
Please just reach out to me.
I wouldn't know what to do.
But I'll sit with you, I'll hear you.

Tired

2011-04-23T01:55:00.002+08:00

Im just tired. I wanna get this over and done with. Move on and stand on my own.
I'm too tired to argue.
I'm too tired to fight.
I'm too tired of asking myself why the hell am I doing this.

You ask me to be brave and strong.
I am.
But if its against you, its wrong.
Thats not right.

But I'm too tired to say who's wrong and who's right.
Just too tired.

List of rants!

2011-03-24T00:48:00.002+08:00

I shall rant my heart out. And I will not name names. Whoever that feels that I'm talking bout them. Maybe I am. Maybe Im not.

NUMBER ONE: Haiya. You developed a sudden interest in that topic overnight is it? Before this, You never had ANY interest. When me and another friend was talking extensively about it, you never say anything also. So why suddenly got interest ah? Diss people about something, in the end you like the same thing. Please la. I already indirectly mentioned that I'm drawing out of "your world". I dont want to be associated so closely with you anymore. Already tell you in a nice way, this happen because you did this. Explain to you in your face. But seriously, your attitude is just.. You don't realise how much you have. You never notice how much everyone around you compromise for you, how much people put up with you because they rather see how good you are and rather not balance it out with how bad you are. Its their choice what they want to do, to continue compromising for you and put up with your overbearing attitude or just leave you be. I feel like deleteing you from everywhere but that will be unfair to you because, all this tension and friction and everything else everyone is holding against you is not brought to your attention. The only way right now, is to lay everything out and shake you until you realise Im talking bout you.

Oh, and a word of advice, if you wanna bad-mouth to a friend about a friend who is a friend of your friend that you're talking to. Don't. Because this friend who you're talking to will realise that you can bad-mouth about them to your friend who's a friend of this friend of yours. Get it? If you wanna bad-mouth a friend, don't bad-mouth about your friend to a friend thats also your friend's friend. People are not that stupid.

NUMBER TWO: Its sad actually. I had thought this when you first told me what you did. The first thought that came to me when you told me that was that you shouldnt have done that. If I wasn't disconnected from you, I could've stopped you. I strongly felt that if I was in your life at that time, I could've made a strong case against your decision. But its a little bit too late. And now you say your pain hidden within jokes with a voice that has an underlying sorrow.

NUMBER THREE: I find that I can easily put myself in other people's shoes. I do that everyday out of boredom. It kind of resulted in me being extra receptive to other people's feelings. Dont know if thats a good or bad thing. O__O

NUMBER FOUR: Had school today from 8.30am to 6pm. Then met up with a friend :D for dinner! Had fun. It felt.. normal. Lol. Lucky I had enough sleep. Ok number four and three aren't really rants but I like numbering every different topic.

I feel like my life just switched from gear 2 to gear 4 all of a sudden.

Can't sleep

2011-03-07T00:24:00.002+08:00

So.. I can't sleep.

BLOG AWAY~

Anyway, I'm addicted to music. I have a stronger addiction to addiction. You get what I mean? I'm an addiction addict. -_- For example, I'll smoke close to a pack one fine day, and then just stay away from cigs for a long time. And suffer the effects of the withdrawal from it. And I think I like that?
I don't know. My brain is just weird!

I do the same with music also. I'll listen to music any chance i get for a week or so until my mp3 dies and then i'll just stop listening to music until my head fills up with songs that I keep spacing out, singing the song in my head.

Lol.. I don't think I've ever told anyone about this. Not like a chance to talk bout it ever came up. O_o. Well, this is what blogs are for :D

HAPPEH~~

2011-03-04T20:04:00.002+08:00

Finally! Some time!

I think I'm gonna study later.

Anyway, had POA earlier in the day.
and SURPRISE! There was a bloody test.

3 Questions.
1. A list of transactions, write down what account to debit, what account to credit.
2.I forgot. Something bout how to find the effect of a transaction?? -_-
3. TRIAL BALANCE.

Trial balance. I was like.. shit how?
Haven't do trial balance for a while. And there was about 20+ numbers.. BIG numbers. Calculated the debit side, until my calculator max number. Needed to split the calculation in half. Lol.
So, in the end, it balanced! HELL YEAH!
I think I just got lucky. Because I actually forgot what to put on debit side and credit side.
Then I thought just do anyhow. Put money spent on debit side, money earned/owned on credit side.
It bloody balanced. @____@!!!
Taught myself a lesson. Lol. Don' forget how to do trial balance ever again
What happened, just drilled how to do trial balance in me. I'm never gonna get trial balance wrong ever again @____@
To tell you the truth.. I was scared as hell. -_-

Nothing much

2011-02-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

Nothing much happening.
Nothing of my interest happened.
I feel like buying the Gundam I mentioned.

Oh. I bought sandals. :D Finally, it was purely bought for comfort.
My anger and impatience has been up these days.
Need a cool off session.

Time

2011-02-15T21:42:00.002+08:00

Time heals all wounds. but it doesn't give me amnesia.
What makes you think you can happily walk in and out of my life how and as you want?
Paiseh, I have installed gates to the doors to my life.
Whether I'm going to close the door or not in the near future, depends on that day.

Just because people keep saying you're a powerhouse, doesn't mean you rule.
If you think you know who I am, then you're wrong.
Over the years, I have developed a distrust to people.
And that somehow spread to the distrust of my friends and family.
And then, it just made sense that the only thing I could is my animals.
My cat and rabbits.

I trust my cat to not bite me too hard when I'm roughly playing with her.
I trust my rabbits to also not bite me when I stick my hand in the cage to give them food or when it nuzzles my toe with its nose.

I dont have to trust them with money because they have no need for it.
They can't lie. They can't cheat. Well, they can probably steal. -food. (My cat stole a nasi lemak pack from the Mama shop downstairs. I saw the whole thing.)
Mitsy knows to stop whatever she's doing when I make a certain sound. Even when she's trying to steal her favourite, prawns or fish. Then she makes a really cute face. -_-!!

Anyway, that boy living here thinks its fun to scare little old Mitsy. Nah, I wont harm him. I will just do that to the things around him. Of course, next time this happens, I will take a knife and slash their sofa. My family knows what I'm capable of doing, its their choice whether to warn the people living in this house or not.

Love day!

2011-02-14T21:52:00.003+08:00

I keep seeing people yapping over in Facebook. Flooding the page. Then I see people who thinks they're better than everyone just because of one little thing. Then I see people yapping in class just now, which distracted the teacher and then it wastes my time and my parents' money. The people in class.. oh boy.. I could say about 3 people were fully concerntrating.. and then the rest were chatting. And then some didn't have volume control and keep bringing up the fact that its Valentines Day.

I don't know if its me and my priorities, but the money, time, etc invested in my getting my O levels cert is more important than a special day in the calendar that is not even a public holiday!
If you REALLY had someone SO SPECIAL to love then you DONT NEED a calendar to tell you its VALENTINES DAY. It could be valentines day EVERYDAY. If you had someone to love like that then you wouldn't care if its Chirstmas, spring break or even your Gramma's birthday! Thats how I'd like to love someone, wouldn't you? LOL

Anyway, a girl was giving out V-day treats to people in class. So thanks :D Im really bad with names, so I dont remember her name. I know her as the one who talks to everyone and has really good hair.

So today, Maths teacher said, only 7 people passed the test. I was like.. omg @__@
Then I got my paper back and WOOT~ 28/50 LOL
So ok.. +3 above just pass.
but still. its a pass. I PASSED A MATHS TEST O_O!!!
And yeah, I couldn't stop grinning.

Heh. Gotta get back to homework O_o..

Exercise!

2011-02-11T22:13:00.002+08:00

Today was cool.

While walking to the MRT with my friend after POA. We started talking bout health and exercise. Lol. She suggested some simple exercises. I tried one just now. Wow, really frustrated how fast I was out of breath! RAWR~ Made me wanna do it until I can do it for 10 minutes non-stop. My ultimate goal is 30 mins non-stop. Thats a full work out.

Anyway, I told her my knee was in pain for a really long time. But ever since she showed me the way to the MRT (lol!), I've been walking from school to the MRT to get home and now the pain in my knee is like 98% gone. Totally awesome right?
And my flabs are not so flabby? And thats just.. 3 weeks of just walking from school to the MRT?
Just this fact is making me high on exercise. Haha!

I wanna keep this going.

School stuff

2011-02-10T16:59:00.003+08:00

Because of the February intake for O levels.. my Malay lesson got pushed back to 3pm, ending at 7.30pm.

Omg. Really GG.

Tuesday, Malay lesson end 7.30pm. Reach home at 9-ish pm.

Then have to get ready for sleep already because Wednesday lessons start at 8.30am. And I have to wake up at 6am for getting ready and time in case of a traffic jam.

T_T

Lucky today only 2 hours of lesson. Catch up on my sleep.

Yesterday, my friend's commerce teacher (She was having Commerce. I had English), who is also our POA teacher, asked her if she wanted to join the February intake students' POA class. Because he wanted to even out the number of students in the different classes.

So she found me during break and dragged me into that. So happy. (honoured) Lol. We figured it wasn't a problem because my speed when doing the accounts is equal to hers. Muahaha

Anyway, so now my POA is from 9.30am - 2pm Friday. Instead of Friday 3pm - 7.30pm. Nice. Go home @ 2pm also not bad. MRT not so packed. Yay~

I wanna get Wing Gundam Zero Custom MG! 3 Weeks.. need save money. -_-

Oh I think the last picture is a PG, not MG. PG one is nicer. The wing tips made of rubber. So nice @_@ But I'm guessing the price tag also 'nicer'. -_-

Dear you.

2011-02-08T23:18:00.003+08:00

I didn't know you can so easily throw us away.
Now we know how little we mean to you.
Whatever. I won't care about these kinds of people.

---------------------------------

ANYWAY~~
Being myself in school is totally the right way to go!
Hahaha. Having so much fun.
In Maths, yesterday, the guys sitting in front of me were acting totally gay. ROFL.
And I was trying not to burst out laughing.
Totally hilarious.
The Maths test yesterday was .. okay?? Lol. I did my best :D

BUT I REALLY REALLY WANNA PASS IT. I REALLY REALLY STUDIED FOR IT.

RAWR~~~

PRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAYPRAY

5-day-holiday

2011-02-01T22:17:00.003+08:00

5 days of nothing for me!

I have nothing to do -_-

Maybe I'll just study for the upcoming tests.

Maths test. Not sure about Malay and English. Business studies test. I think POA also got test. Hmm.

I did this over the weekend. SINANJU~~~ XD

Jokes.

2011-01-28T20:49:00.003+08:00

Hah. Today during POA I was apparently a part of the jokes of the people sitting in the row behind me and my friend.

So funny until she laugh like pontianak.
I would have said something if I wasn't chionging POA with my friend (Chiong because who finish can go home already. We were one of the earliest to leave.)

I feel so sorry for her. For people like her. Get so high from lame jokes.
She shot me a look when I was returning to my table. What was that all about? Lol?
Anyway, I noticed something. Noone accept the other two people in her little world was laughing at the jokes. Trust me, the class could hear their whole conversation. :D Appreciate that.

Even the guys, when they joke, they joke about each other. Disturb also disturb each other one. Its within their group one. And even if they accidently overdo the jokes, they say sorry. They're even nice to the girls. Kudos boys!

Aiya, dont know what to say about these immature kind of kids lar. Just grow up. Have a nice life if you can. LOL!

Anyway, took the MRT home today! Like, for the first time in YEARS. My friend showed me the way LOL. The distance is like from my house to Bedok inter. Imma take the MRT from now on!
Heh.

Edit:
I was just thinking about the people whom I have classes with.
A lot of them are people that I could actually hang out with. I guess I never really gave them a chance. Enough with my act cool loner act. Time to be myself. Smiling at anyone who made eye contact with me.
Just like I was today, because my friend was beside me thoughout POA, I became my old giggly self again and it was much easier to talk to the guys in my class who was outside smoking instead of finishing their POA work. Lol. Me and my friend were talking to them, but we were kinda standing on the road. Then this car honked at us. And I actually flipped him off. Haha. Now, thats the 'me' I remember.

OMG, what was I thinking, trying to act like something Im not.

School and stuff.

2011-01-26T21:25:00.002+08:00

Did I ever tell you the weird school schedule I have?

Monday: 1.30 pm - 6 pm
Tuesday: 1.30 pm - 6 pm
Wednesday: 8.30 am - 6 pm
Thursday: 12 pm - 2 pm
Friday: 3 pm - 7.30 pm

Anyway. I have rants.

Like. a month or so ago, Mom helped her friend. He was in trouble and what not. So now, his family, 5 people including the maid, is staying in my old room. I didn't mind that. What I minded was, his kid having this conversation with me:
I had lent him my Nintendo DS the other day. Yesterday, I got home and he asked.
Him: Where's your DS?
Me: Dunno
Him: Aiya, always say dunno.
Me: I dunno I dunno lor. I lend you what.
Him: Dunno dunno shit.

Wah, if I had less respect for my mother, I would've slapped him then and there.
But no.
Some minutes later, I turned into the kitchen and there he was poking my rabbits with a back-scratcher.

I.LOST.IT. I told my Dad what he was doing then rushed back to the kitchen and kicked him away from the cage.
If only I really did kick him away! If only I wasn't so 'responsible' and quick to analyze the situation, I would've kick him out the front door!
But no.
I took one hand and tried to pull the rabbit cage away. Wrong move. The cage came off its base. There was a cat carrier on top of the rabbit cage. So now I was holding the cage up and balancing with one hand so that the carrier wouldn't fall on the kid's head! I couldnt bend down to get him away, or else the cage would fall. Thank god I had good control of my toes and dragged the scratcher (that he was still holding on to and poking my rabbits with) away from the cage, away from my traumatized rabbits.

He poked the rabbits so they would run around the cage, which isnt really big enough to run around in. The rabbits didn't like to run around in the cage. The gaps between the bars were too wide.. when they ran in the cage, sometimes a toe or two will get caught and it would scream a painful scream.
I tried a lot of times to get them to change the cage. But they said that kind of cage was normal for rabbits. They being my family.

My cat. He tortured my cat! He pulled the tail. Put his hands around her neck. Then he tried to carry her. BY THE STOMACH. WAH! If murder was legal... he would be the first human I'd run to with a knife! KID OR NOT. I TRIED THE "be nice to kids" THING. Oh what the heck.. I tried to fake being nice to kids.

I dont like kids. I didn't hate them. I just dont like them. Especially bratty ones. But this kid made me hate kids like i-hate-kids-for-no-damn-reason-and-imma-traumatize-any-kid-that-touches-me kinda hate.
The only kid I will love would prolly be my own kid! Though, the chances of me having kids now has dwindled to an even sorrier percentage.

Anyway, because of this kid, because of what I ALMOST did to the kid, I slept not more than 3 hours last night, having to wake at 6.30 am to attend lessons in school that started at 8.30 am and continued on till 6 pm.

Talk about school..
had a few nice conversations with individuals here and there..
I wouldn't call any one of those people friends. More like.. just classmates. Nothing more.

During english, there was news that someone took his or her own life. What made questions pop out in my head was that.. 5. 10 minutes after the news and the uncomfortable silence.. things were back to normal for most of the class. The boys continued their jokes and teasing one another. The other girls continued their chatting. Like.. hello? Someone just died? Is this how people really are?

I've come across this sentence a few times; People..no. Humans see only what they want to see.
What happened in english class was a perfect example.
My hatred for humans grow..

Anyway today, I had a nice conversation with a girl who was late for POA last week, friday, and sat next to me. Lol. The conversation went like we had been friends for a while. Interesting.
Heh. School just got interesting eh?

Just some thoughts

2011-01-16T02:06:00.003+08:00

I dont know.
In good times, the bond between some people feels so close.
And then when something changes, it quickly dissolves.

Like.. this friend of mine. Yeah, we got to be friends because of a common interest. But I thought we've been friends long enough and know each other quite well enough, that the only thing in common between us isn't that ONE common interest. We have many many things in common.
But I got busy. And I didn't have time to be interested in the 'common interest' that brought us to be friends.
And then.. poof. Suddenly, talking to each other feels weird.

Its like, everybody gathers around when things are going up and up.
But when it plateaus, everyone just gets back to what they were doing.
It gets worse when things are going down.

Im not upset.
Its just my thoughts.
I sorta feel like this is a part of life? So it doesnt really upset me.

The good thing about when things go down is, you find out who your friends really are.

First week of school

2011-01-13T17:21:00.003+08:00

Well, its Thursday.
I have POA tomorrow from 3pm to 7.30pm.

First few days of school.
Had Maths on Monday. Mother tongue on Tuesday. I had Business Studies and English on Wednesday. And today, I had only 2 hours of school. Intensive maths, because I failed the entrance test for maths.

Maths was okay. The teacher was not bad, kinda funny.
Mother tongue. I am SO unsure about Mother tongue. Not really good at it.
Oh, Business Studies. I LOVE BUSINESS STUDIES so far. Dont know why. Hahaha.
I got quite a strict English teacher. GOOD! Because sometimes, with those other teachers, they're not so strict (They're pretty un-strict if you ask me), the students really make a ruckus. So thumbs-up for the English teacher.
I got the same teacher for Emaths and Intensive maths.

If anything interesting happens during the POA lesson, I'll tell you.

Another thing I have to say, is about attire.
What the hell am i gonna wear?!
1st day - Jeans, black dotted top : Casual
2nd day - Forgot what I wore.
3rd day - I was kinda modest country girl meet rocker. LOL. Long sleeved shirt, flared skirt with boots O_O.
4th day - Today I was hard rock. Woot. Black long sleeve, black 3/4 skirt and boots. Wuahaha!

Okayokay. School isn't a fashion show. But you've gotta make it more interesting.

Oh, wrote an essay during English lesson.
I picked a topic about... "Challenges in life bring out the best in young people" State your view.
And I was rusty as hell. 2 paragraphs and I'm out of ideas. Then I went totally out of point. I put there in brackets, literally.. (I'm totally out of point)
Lol. Then I just let my mind run it. Writing anything that came to mind. -_-
Sure CMI!

-_- oh, It's a 2 hour bus ride home. :D Anybody taking bus 196!?!

First day of school.

2011-01-10T22:11:00.002+08:00

1.30pm to 6 pm

Had Maths. Was ok.
I seriously think guys are easier to talk to.
I dont know. Do girls assume who youare before they talk to you? Or are they just shy? I dont know. The first people to talk to me was the guys sitting in front of me.

Lol?

PARTY!

2011-01-06T02:12:00.002+08:00

Ok. First off. Belated Merry Christmas and belated Happy New Year?

Heh. DIANA! SHUMEI! YOUR PREZZIE STILL WITH ME. maybe I should ask Shaz to pass the prezzie to them.
Once I'm out of patience, I'll just deliver them to your homes myself! :D

Hmm. I took the English and Maths tests. I failed my maths. Lol No surprise there. I got to know some people while taking the test. Lol. There wasn't reall any supervision. One of them, her Mom, i think, was a social butterfly but her daughter's really shy. Haha.
Anyway, there was a MDIS orientation on the 30th Dec. I went. They put the people taking O levels and A levels together. They showed us around. I saw the girl's Mom there. And we were like HI!! Lol. And had small talk.
After walking around, they brought us to a room. With not enough chairs. LOL. (I had to hold the door open for the chairs to come in.) The instructor wanted us to play a game. He would say a number and we had to get into groups of that number. And then we played another game.
Well, that kinda gt me to communicate with the people in my group. that was fun.
Of course, when all that was over, I called Shaz. LOL. Its a habit.

I've been playing MapleSEA ever since. School starts on the 10th! If i cant be with my friends face to face. I will be with them online. :D
Hmm. I think thats all.
Wonder how the first day of school will be like.

@__@

2010-12-28T18:30:00.002+08:00

ALWAYS GIVE ME A DAY.

A friend once said to me,"Go to sleep. You'll feel better.". Haha. Simple. And it really works. For me, at least.
And yeah. JUST NOW, I suddenly thought what the hell am I doing?? Im all hung up bout one friend that I didnt see all the friends around me that I have now.
Haha. Yeah. I love you guys.

Hmm. But all this drama made someone quit the game. And I feel its mostly my fault. Its because, I keep treating everyone the same, thinking everyone is of the same "level" as me. I forgot he's younger than me, he couldnt handle all this because I was too honest with him.

I should've just said, "Yeah! Haha. :D" and just changed the topic. Those two, are more alike than either of them realise.
-_-. Its all over anyway. No point thinking bout it now.
I'd rather spend my energy and efforts on people who choose to walk with me and keep walking.
Until its time to shake hands and part ways with a smile. Without creating unwanted drama, like what happened here.

Dont know anymore

2010-12-28T02:54:00.002+08:00

I dont know what to feel.
He started talking bout that. And that reminded me of a broken promise.
And then he told me a conversation that had TWO LINES. That answered one question but asked another dozen. It threw a wall of emotions at me and I couldnt handle it.

Things that can be so easily solved. Why do people make it so complicated. Its so simple that its frustrating.

I dont know what to think. We made this awesome friendship and then you just stopped walking. Only to find out today that you either wish you were walking beside me or you wish I didnt find out you stopped walking beside me. Either way, you stopped walking.

I dont care what they think. In fact, I know what they think. Its all not the truth but I just nod and say yes. Because whats the point of fighting for the truth now? They wont believe anything I say anyway. They like what they think because its more interesting.

I am the kind that keep secrets for you and cherish your promises. Which is why this pains me so much because you know all my secrets and you broke all your promises.

I cant believe anyone's words right now because
You broke all your promises.

Sad Dream

2010-12-27T08:40:00.002+08:00

I just had this really sad dream.
This couple. They just got together. So nice together also. Then dunno, I think the guy's famous. I see alot of people around him.
They got into a fight. Because the guy go dye her hair black and say "because its your culture's tradition. Everyone is doing it."
Then the girl pissed. Walked off. Go stand in another room. But then, she saw the guy damn sad from across the room. So she also like, forgive him and go to him there. And said "I wanna talk to you alone"
Then they sit there but alot of people. They go somewhere else. Got ppl find them. She wanted to say "If you want me to do something, tell me. Dont just do it on your own"
But in the end, never get to say, never fully reconcile. Because the guy died. Suddenly alot of ppl hate her.

Then my dream turn into a weird fighting anime.

Hospitals!

2010-12-21T07:53:00.002+08:00

So yeah, My dad got admitted to the hospital.
Because he drive taxi, sit too long then got something pain. I dont remember whats it called.
Anyway, he had surgery the next day. And I brought him home yesterday.

Uhh, Shaz said her cousin saw me. And she was on the way there when I was on the way home. LOL. No fate to meet. Sad.

I've already bought Xmas presents. All thats left is the wrapping! I wrap myself one ok! About $100 spent. Omg. Heh, but worth it. Totally.
Hmm~ nothing more to update.~

OH went out for lunch with Gossip Clubbers. Kim, James, CY, Tongs (WAS LATE). Woot. LOL Was it on Saturday or Sunday? Cant keep track of the days. Go the west coast plaza. Forgot where we eat also. But the pasta I ate DAMN NICE! Then we go IMM find DAISO! I bought chopsticks and a beanie? Lol~
Ah, I know why I dont remember these past few days. 'Cause I was so bloody tired. Slept more then 8 hours. Hmm. Looks like I'll be fine from today on. *has gotten enough rest*

Thats it I guess. Heh~ Oh GOOD MORNING~ Im hungry.

Cant focus.

2010-12-17T00:31:00.003+08:00

I had a really bad dream that brought up my past phobia. I suddenly feel scared of it again. and I thought I was over it.
Slept at 7, 8 or 9 am. Woke up at 5pm? Then I went back to sleep at 7 or 8 pm and woke up about 2 hours later. Too much sleep, probably the reason why I had the dream.

Cant focus on the last two math chapters I have to study. I forced myself through geometry. Great, its already friday.

I've gotten bullshit from some people. "Im sure you'll pass English!" Wow, I'm already predicted to fail my maths? Lol. Such a nice friend I have there.
Ok fine, its probably not meant that way. But sheesh, it gets on me.

There's this other friend who basically said "I'm sick of this, I'll go away for a while. Will come back when I feel like it." Good going! "THIS" basically refers to interacting with me and your other friends. Dont know about you, but I dont get sick of my friends.
After your disappearing act, you so nicely waltz in and pretend its all good with a"Lets pick up where we left off" attitude. No. You wanted to go away, go away. I never said I would stop you, neither did I say I would welcome you back.

Im just picking at the little things that bother me. Which eventually builds up into a mass of negativity with all the reasons as to why it exists, forgotten.

Tuesday. The day was hot. Sons had to put their father in the ground. We were all messed up.
The sun felt like it was burning my hands. It was hard to breathe. And as much as I wanted to, I couldnt stay there any longer. Almost blacked out trying to get out of there, back to the car. Kind of upset I couldn't stay there until the end of the burial (I keep calling it burial, ceremony sounds wrong)

Im just thoroughly drained.

Random pieces of infomation.
"I am fucking doomed" day is on Saturday.
I want silver colored ONTO headphones. (I saw it in Popular the other day. I was like, SCREW YOU POPULAR!!)
The dress that was made to order is fucking gorgeous tyvm.
I dont care, I'll swear my head off. Fuck you. :D

Rest in peace.

2010-12-14T00:17:00.003+08:00

We caught the cancer too late. The medicine didn't help one bit. All we could do was watch him get weaker day by day. And then getting on with our lives like everything's gonna be okay.

Mom didn't let me go to see him in the hospital. He was already coughing up blood. I really wanted to see him. At the same time, I didnt want to pressure my Mom. She was under a huge amount of stress. My mom accompanied him till morn'. She came home in the morning to sleep and rest before going back to the hospital.

In the afternoon, the doctor called Mom, telling her to come down to the hospital because he didn't have much time left. I asked my Mom if I could go. Of course, she said no.
The feeling was so strong this time, I just started crying non-stop. Soon after, she got another phone call. I knew what it was before she even picked up the call.

Then, Mom just annouced it with a loud voice from where she was standing to us. It didn't seem to bother my sister at all. I know Mom is just putting up a brave front. And I was controlling it as much as I could, only to burst out in front of the screen now.

Whats the point of going through a funeral and seeing a dead body. I dont want to see a dead body! I want to see him! God, I want to see him...

This is hurting too much.

Hey.. you're not here anymore.
You are as much a part of me as my Mom and Dad.
I know you loved my brother. Its been a long time, but you get to see him now.
Watch over us okay?
I love you.
Rest in peace.

HAI!

2010-12-09T02:35:00.007+08:00

Meow~ HAI, Mitsy here! Y iz mee here? Cuz Mala, mai owna, wanz 2 bee lyke me. Mew~ HAPPY :3. Meow ears shee buy. Den mai pikture shee take with meow ears. SEE!

Meow! Mai naise pikture foor yuu. Fiind mai owner, fiind me. Ookeh? And giv me FISHEH. Ookeh? Fisheh pleeez.

School

2010-12-05T04:18:00.002+08:00

Thursday whole family follow me go MDIS to register. Hahaha.
Well, we came on October, they said no entrance exam.
Thursday we come, they say got. And tests and on the Saturdays of this month!!
English and Maths
I'm confident in my english. but MATHS! And its Sec 3 level. Like.. omg?

So I've been mugging, self study. Study by myself, math topics that I nvr learn b4. GG!!
They say if fail a subject, need remedials. KENGZ!! And need pay more. My mom anyhow say "okok nvm i will pay the remedial fee", She totally no confidence in me for Maths! Hahaha, I know she didnt mean it that way.

But whatever, MUST TRY!. 50/100 still pass! aim for 50% or more LOL!

Circles

2010-11-30T15:40:00.002+08:00

How can the feeling be true when changed it so quickly.
Some thing that has been fought for so hard, so easily given up and forgotten.
Or are you doing this to help you give up and forget?

Its none of my business but it just seems like you're going in circles.
Saying you want something different isnt going to work if you keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Good luck.

Hypocrites, all of you

2010-11-28T13:43:00.002+08:00

We are all they know, we're all they have. How quickly can you lessen the value of their lives just because they're different beings. We chose to have them! Their misbehaviours born of our own ignorance! AND THEY PAY THE PRICE?

You closed the door and left me in a silent empty room. You're just cruel!
.. and Im just the same. Because I didnt say or do a thing to stop you. THIS SHOULD BE A SIN!! I feel like its a sin..

It feels cold. Everything.
Home wont be the same anymore.

Please forgive me.

Memories

2010-11-25T23:46:00.003+08:00

My memories are actually really fuzzy.
I dont remember much of my primary school days.
Im forgetting my secondary school days now too.
Is that why I'm always day-dreaming? To remember.

But I can remember stupid little insignificant details. Like when my primary school friend and I sprayed our hair all funny colors and went out to I dont know where! Hahaha. Or when my secondary school english teacher said that my friend could be a model.

Just when i typed out that sentence about my primary school friend, a chain of memories popped up in my head. I suddenly remember, my group of friends always going to Bedok Library after school to hang out. We actually went to Escape theme park once, one of my friends went on the go-kart thing. And at the end, she waited till the last second to brake harshly. Scared one of the staff half dead! We were like.. O_O!! .. omg..
Hahaha.

I had a different group of friends in lower primary though. Primary 3 or 4 was when we got separated and our school merged with the neighbouring school. I recall now, I had a different principal when I was in lower primary. She always wore black heels, a black dress, her jet-black hair tied-up in a bun, red lipstick and always had a wooden cane with her. She looked so goth now that I think of it. Hahaha. But her laugh always broke that scary image.

Wow, If i hadnt typed this post about my fading memories, I wouldnt have remembered these things.

I remember, my sister and me and some neighbourhood kids stole a turtle out of the school pond! Hahahaha. We always sneaked into the school on weekends or holidays.
I remember, we always went on our bikes. OMG I totally forgot I was a bike kid!
Those were the days..

Of course.. suddenly bad momeries flood in my mind now. Looking back to the past.. can be poison.

Minds

2010-11-24T21:58:00.002+08:00

The sub consious mind sometimes pick up things you ignore/dont mind. Then when something happens, you have no answer for why it did.

Your mind, at the very least, do what it does for self-preservation. As human beings evolve and modernize , it developes ways to protect and prevent effects from modern situations.
Like amnesia, is it a sickness or a cure? An accident happens and a guy gets amnesia. Forgets everything. Is it better to not remember that horrible accident? But at the same time you forget everyone you know right?
The brain unfortunately put this owner's welfare first. Sentimental value/attachments second. Less trauma to owner is its mission.

Im just saying, everything you see, hear, feel, taste, WHATEVER can and will affect you, whether you realise it or not.

I think, people keep changing and you have to keep reviewing and getting to know people and yourself. Just so that one day, you dont look into a mirror asking yourself "Who is that?"
Im thinking, isnt it tiring to keep doing that? How easily can you loose yourself?

Theres a part of you that will rarely change. Know that part and you're all set. You're okay. Know that part of you and not much can affect you.

Yeah.. that about sums up my thoughts for today.

Lost

2010-11-21T11:56:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've lost something. No... Im just at a lost.

Do you know how frustrating it is to be stuck at one spot, with you struggling just out of the reach of my hands.. and I'm not able to do anything to hold you up?
Its probably the worst thing you can make a friend feel. I just shut up and take it because there's nothing I can do but hear your pain.

A Step back might be good.

2010-11-20T00:58:00.002+08:00

You worry about things. You pay attention to life's little details. Do this and that. Chores, earrands, to-do-lists. Go around doing what needs to be done.

Sometimes taking a step back, away from the tiny details. Looking at the bigger picture of everything is a good thing. It makes you revise where you've been, where you're heading.. the steps you'll be taking to get where you're going.

Something pushed me to take a step back. And thoughts much more then what I've typed here rushed into my brain.

Love letters pixelated.

2010-11-18T16:44:00.003+08:00

I was clearing out my emails.
Came across an old email.
And it got me asking, how easy it is for someone to match their feelings with words.
How much do they mean the words they say? Or are they just saying the things they say because it just seemed like the right thing to do.

If you had a choice between doing something that you feel like doing, something thats true to yourself or doing the right thing, which will you choose?

I would not do something just because its the right thing to do. If my decision just happens to be, in people's eyes, "the right thing to do".. then great. If it is not, I will bear the consequences.

I treasure my freedom. Freedom to speak out. Freedom to choose. Freedom to be what I want to be, myself.

Its a weird thing..

2010-11-14T17:29:00.002+08:00

its weird when you visit the cemetery.
Letting a lot of thoughts flow through your mind is overwhelmingly open.

Memories haunt the mind.

Party in the mailbox!

2010-11-11T17:14:00.004+08:00

Found these in my mailbox!! My packages called each other and planned to come together to meet my mailbox yesterday.

A total of 21 items. It was like Christmas morning (As the saying goes. Never really experienced a "Christmas morning", you know, kids wake up and happily open their presents.)

These were in the box. I never had such girly stuff. Tried them on, took a picture, loved them.

These were in one of the big white packages. Most are Shaz's. xD

Omgosh. I LOVE THESE. Was in the small pack.

This was in the other big white pack. ECO -FRIENDLY BAG! Very handy. Especially when I wanna just bring a small bag, I'd bring this along just in case.

NINJA BUNNY! Now, I bring bunny with all my important stuff and the eco-friendly bag inside everywhere I go!

Cute, lol.

I missed a delivery yesterday also (Prolly because there wasnt enough space!). Got a note telling me to get it at the post office. The $0.88 hairbands!! Surprisingly good quality.

The only thing above $2 are Shaz's wire thingys. and the Ninja bunny bag. Awesome or what??

Earrings!

2010-11-10T04:11:00.009+08:00

Its all silvery and shiny~~ I love them all.

Guys can wear the one on the left also. Will look nice with those who have korean boyband hair. LOL

The box was a bit bashed up, what you expect, its SINGPOST! Good thing they put the items in quite a sturdy box. Package came when I was asleep. I slept at 8+pm woke at 3.15am. Hahahaha
7 hours. Not bad. At least im no taking 3 hour sleeps anymore.

Btw, I'm on my sister's comp. My comp went all nuts. The keyboard was working wrong, the mouse too. Everytime I left-click something on the desktop, it will go to it's properties. And the keyboard, I cant type! When i open IE, and press a key, it will select something on the menu bar. -_- Will search for solution.

BYE~
(Edit: Found the solution already. Rofl. Thank god for Google.)

Additional stuff.

Just wanted to say, when you buy online at these kinda websites where there are a lot of "shops", do a bit of searching before blindly ordering stuff.

For example, the black ninja bunny pouch.

This seller sells bunny pouches, 5 different designs. The fastest to sell out is the black ninja bunny @ $8.90.

This seller only 2 kinds of bunny pouches. White smiley one and ninja bunny @ $4.00(+ $0.80 shipping)

Its about $4.oo difference!! You could buy an earring shipped all the way from KOREA for $4.oo!!

:D so do your research! Google is a big help. Some people sell from forums. O_o~

My highlights are here~!!

2010-11-06T08:34:00.006+08:00

So yay! The clip-in hair extensions I ordered are here!

I said to Shaz I was gonna write a review for them. Here it is.

5 clip-in highlights + 1 free (Limited time offer only. Girlshairdo.com. (lol. advertise)).
White! Red! Purple! Pink! Blue! And another white one as the free piece!
Of course, I have to mess around with it first.

Super long right!? ( As to why I was wearing different clothes; the highlights like to stick to my green flowery outfit there. LOL. )
Anyway, so my real plan was, to cut up the extra white piece to suit my hair now.
So there, cut and layered.

Trying to curl it a bit to match my hair. Will be dying my hair JET-BLACK! Say bye to coloring hair. This will be my last dye-ing of hair for a very long time.

OMG

2010-11-03T14:40:00.002+08:00

I AM NEVER GOING TO CUT MY HAIR AGAIN! I want my long hair back! Extensions wont do, it just wont feel right.

SICK!

2010-11-03T10:19:00.006+08:00

Well, every once in a while, I very SUDDENLY get a flu. It lasts a few days, sometimes accompanied by a very slight cough.
This time I have headaches as well. T_T. I feel like something's squeezing my brain. xD

And look. I think i've gone CRAZY!

These are the items according to the list above :O (Yes, Im somesort of a neatfreak)

For the next 5: RED, PINK, BLACK, SILVER, NAVY

Clip-In Highlights

K BOX! & some random stuff

2010-11-01T04:30:00.006+08:00

Some random updates.

My eyes are hurting from staring at the screen too long.
Was window online shopping. Hahaha. Emailed an enquiry bout a vest I saw. Hmm.
------------------------------

Anyway, Dad bought a whole lotta ice cream. Apparently, there was a BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ice cream sale somewhere.
------------------------------

Hmm. Seems like there are plans in the making for KBOX-ing!
------------------------------

ASM got me addicted to onigiri. (MOAR PLS)
------------------------------

MSN ART!

Shaz regrets passing photos to me. xD!! I posted a photo of her on FB trying a different hairstyle :O! IMO of the photo, she looks really pretty. xD

Cat dreams!

2010-10-29T12:20:00.002+08:00

I just woke up.
I slept late last night because someone texted me when I was just about to fall asleep.
Was woken up by a text also.

Anyway, I dreamt my cat, Shiloh, had 4 baby kittens. Omg too cute. They meow just like her too. Like a.. Mwehhh. Can be mistaken for a baby crying.
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So last night, i was told off by another someone about religion. -_-'' Said bout lesbians, alcohol, etc all is forbidden.

Zzz! I KNOW LA. Anyone who knows me better than you, knows i come from a religious family. I know whats right and whats wrong. I studied my religion when I was young. I was into it. UNFORTUNATELY, my family got it bad and didnt have enough money to PAY the religious SCHOOL to continue TEACHING me.
My parents couldn't teach me because they were working their butts off. And both my Mom AND Dad were estranged from their own families. We didnt have alot to depend on.

While my parents were working, an old lady took care of us. She's really nice. I called her Grandma. Because we werent close to our real grandmothers and they passed away when I was really young. She taught us a good load of stuff. She used to cover me with this.. nice smelling powder right after I got off the shower and dried myself off. xD (I wanna find that powder.)

Look. I am gonna be straight. I know my path. It was chosen for me. I had no say in it. I used to think that it tied me down. Gave me no freedom. I felt like my life wasnt mine. So I rebelled. Did everything I shouldnt have done.
Until one day, I thought if I continued being like that, I was gonna lose myself. And that would just snowball into bigger problems. I had no choice, I had to accept what I was given, the path I was put on. No matter how much I hated it.

.... no, I'm still tied down. Right now I'm like a dog without a leash but with a collar. But I can feel it. The leash is coming soon, to pull on my collar everytime I stray. Thats why Im acting out now. I smoke. I drink. I will do whatever I want now! Because freedom is the last thing I will have.

Thanks. -_-. I killed my own spirit.

LIKE FINALLY!

2010-10-28T21:09:00.002+08:00

Omg. My room's in a mess!!
So. my computer's BACK! For the second time. Hahaha I went to change the graphic card and RAM.
Just now.. wah this ASM and Shaz. The movie start 1.20pm. Say meet 1.20 pm. Zzz Lucky I wasnt late. We watched that Guardian owl movie.. ahh. forgot the name. There was a singing owl, called Twilight. And then Shaz called me Twilight. But it didnt stick! Wahaha! Lucky.

Then I saw GUITAR HERO in the arcade. WOOT! Imma play it again. We went around. See see look look. Was epic in ToysRUs.
Bought a liquid soap kinda thing and a lip balm kinda thing from Body Shop.

Er. nothing much to update! :D Oh. Maple wont work. Will try again later!

Points of view

2010-10-22T09:16:00.003+08:00

Hmm. Everything has a few sides to it. And depending on how you view it, it can be bad or good, happy or sad, a blessing or a curse. Because of the different multitudes of points of view, misunderstandings can occur.

I dont know. For example. One person says, respect your elders. But I say, if the elder have kns attitude, treats people badly and so on and so forth, then they dont deserve my respect. When I ask why should we respect our elders. Usually there's no answer. Its just that, "respecting your elders" had been drilled into theirs heads since they were young, and not drilled into mine. So they cant help it but to say "respect your elders". I, on the other hand, decide who I give my respect to by.. mostly what actions they take, what decisions they make. Can just say, by who they are. Dont get me wrong, who people are and statuses are different things. If you're a celebrity but you're a queen bitch, then useless also.

I also dont know why Im blogging about this. Points of views. Sometimes we look at an object where the sun shines on. Sometimes we look at it where the shadows fall. Even then, there are shades of grey on both sides. Trying to analyze this in my head is tiring.
Bottom line. Different people have different views.

But yet, some people just dont understand.
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I didnt tell anyone but for weeks I've been having no more then 4 hours of sleep per day. I dont know whats haunting my mind. But today, I had more than 8 hours of sleep. I woke up with a sharp mind. And my attention was brought to some things that I hadnt notice before.
Im also drifting off alot, thinking of what the hell i've been doing, whether its right or wrong, what i am going to do. The weeks that passed, i didnt realise that I've been ignoring a lot of things. More importantly, the way I felt, no.. the way i feel.
I didnt realise that I've been on auto-pilot with a default happy face.
That blazing fire has turned into a subtle light on a candle when I wasnt looking.

Time to fucking wake up. REFOCUS. Hohoho, with how it is now, its gonna get dangerous.
RAWR. FIGHT ON!!! hmph.

Shitheads

2010-10-20T05:48:00.004+08:00

So, on Sunday, I had bfast/lunch with SHAZ! It was actually breakfast but we slack at Long John's till the afternoon. She brought the finger puppets and we laughed our heads off!! Omg Our sense of humor are the same frequency. ^5 Shaz. To more laughs! xD

After that, met up with GOSSIP CLUBBERS! Was Kim's birthday, 20th! Woot. We took epic neoprints man. Laff until like wan die when decorating the thing. As usual, I never look at the camera when taking neoprints..

There! Tongs, Lebrace, James & Kim!

(Like finally, we took neoprints :O. Cute sticky photos FTW!!)
Then today, we all sotted over in MSN and Facebook. It was totally epic. Hahaha.

Thats all, I guess. Gonna send this comp for an update on Friday. RAM and graphic card. Plans for Saturday are in the making. Mom booked me on Sunday!

New day!

2010-10-16T07:48:00.004+08:00

Starting off this Saturday by singing KELLY CLARKSON!

__________________________

Hey. I played the game out of boredom and curiousity the last time. And karma bit me in the ass in no time! Wow, the consequences were painful but I deserved it.

Im playing the game again. But I'll be going slow and I'm being careful. Because this time, I've got something much more precious to lose. Theres more ways to lose than to win. Its a vicious game. A lot of times, the players will get hurt. But if we could look at each other and smile at the end, I'll be glad that I played the game with you.

JY MYSELF!Lol.

Bystander

2010-10-14T15:43:00.002+08:00

Thats just how I am. I'll be a bystander in your life. I'll only appear in front of you when you call my name. If you reach your hand out and noone is around to hold you, mine will be there for you to take hold of.

But as long as you have someone holding your hand, holding you up. As long as someone's hand reaches out to yours. As long as there's someone around you. I'll back off and shut up. I'll stand at the sides, watching you from afar, just like the bystander in your life that I am.

2010-10-12T04:15:00.004+08:00

Another thing. (Nothing in relation with previous post)
Be careful with words.. Some people are so careless that their words become like knives.
I got my dose of wounds.
I knew this would happen. I purposely made you misunderstand.
I have no right to tell you to care for the words you easily throw at me.
Thought my stitches were strong enough. I was wrong.
As usual.. I cant really stop myself from putting my heart on the line for others.
I have to hold everything in, bite my lip, say nothing.
And see them off with a great big smile. only to walk away with the worst feelings.
Seems like I dont care what I put myself through.

Jeez. Emo much? I shall let it go! I PREFER TO BE HAPPY! :D

2010-10-12T03:21:00.003+08:00

Hihi ~~~ i type this in response to ur blogpost. LOL! Cos I lazy to sms.

You sit down by yourself and think bout your situation now eh. list down everything u wanna change. Dont consider u scare what, u feel what, what ppl will think bout u, all this u dont think. U think what u wanna change nia. Then tell me. xD

Then u think, u wanna make these changes or not! Its ok if u dun wanna change because youre comfy where u are now. If u really dont like where u are now, then I support u through the changes! If u wanna change just because everybody is changing then later u will lose yourself. Thats why I say dont think u scare what, u feel what, what ppl will think bout u. So then you will change because and for yourself :O.

And I dont think u iz a failure in life xD. Sometimes its the people around u that make u feel liddat or what. And who the hell said, if you have done this and this, you DAMN PRO in life?
YOU ARE YOUNG. 19 IS YOUNG! There a lot of time for changes. Everyone changes and find themselves in different ways and different times. Dont rush it !! Later sotsot LOL. Can say ar, Singapore focus so much on one thing that everybody thinks theres just one way to do something.
Hah. I was surprised also when I found out I can do without what everyone makes out to be outrageously important; education. No education doesnt mean useless, no job, a burden and so on and so forth. I had to find that out myself sadly.

Anyway, its not pathetic. (Alot of companies PREFER fresh graduates btw xD) And its not possible for me to drift far from you. (Because I'm like.. 5 bus stops away? LOL)
And im not here just to sit beside you and laugh all day long! (Although we do that alot xD). Im not gonna let u lag behind! But I cant force you to run up to where I am so!!

If you call my name, when u need a boost or when u want me to grab your hand to go on an adventure:O! (Or when u just wanna sit and laff all day long xD) WHENEVER, WHEREVER, I'll come running :O
If you're feeling alone and I'm standing by your door. Dont be stupid and go open the door xD!
OKAY?! I smazh u :B

(Frankly, I felt like I've been standing right in front of you, ready to give u a hug but u never took my hug xD. Felt like you dont feel u can just come up to me and say everything from what chu feeling to random stupid stuff. YOU CAN! Of all the people I know, ITS YOU WHO CAN.
Bish you! Only god knows what i'd do if i ever lost you -_-'')

:B Love you much girl! :O

2010-10-08T07:28:00.002+08:00

Not much can get me ticked off.
But people who make uneducated assumptions is near the top of the list.

Whats is SO difficult about asking a question to confirm (or not) your assumption? Zzz

Im weird.

2010-10-06T04:12:00.002+08:00

Yes I'm weird. I trying to find a 'FREE HUGS' t-shirt.
That'd be nice. Wonder how many random people would actually hug someone with that shirt on.
Okay, I dont really have anything to blog about.

Mitsy is too cute. She follows me everywhere i go. She's not even trying to get my attention. She just follows. xD Oh and my Mom let the rabbits roam around, in hopes of getting rabbit babies -__-!...

Okay.. I feel like getting hugged. T^T

Just the other day, I complained bout text messaging. Only ONE of my friends prefer to talk on the phone to texting. ONE!! Yeah, maybe texting is cheaper? (I dont know) No, wait. I disagree with 'texting is cheaper' Calling someone up for a conversation compresses HOURS of texting and waiting for a reply. Hmm. I can go days without saying anything.. more if I have a lappy, internet and my phone.
More and more people are not practicising their social skills. Soon, conversations will be cut down to just a few words. Then there's really no need for a dictionary. (blahblahblah) I can go on blogging on this topic.. but its getting boring.

Its 4.30AM. -_-!!

2010-10-03T15:30:00.002+08:00

I have a love-hate relationship with my brain.
It gives me dreams that feels so real. Dreams that I wished for.
But it only breaks my heart everytime I wake up, realising it wasnt real.
I can only keep replaying it in my head over and over again.

Changed?

2010-09-29T08:20:00.003+08:00

The other day, I said to Shaz that in primary school, the teachers kept commenting the same thing on my exam score sheet. "Normala is a quiet student" And she didn't believe me. Hahaha.
Hmm. But really, I was. I was only noisy when I was with my friends. Omg and I remember when the Pri 6 guy followed me home! >_< I was stalked :O My cat was waiting for me by the door (OMG I miss my cat) and my sister was in the living room. That guy followed me!! T_T My sister chase him away :D :O Huahuahua.

Anyway, I'm high on making new friends! Get networking and work on social skills. (Because I'm socially awkward and just generally WEIRD!) :D So.. say HI to all your friends. LOL! Of course, once I get burned, I probably will chill on making friends.

Hmm. Those statements above are unnecassary. Its there for your entertainment... just like Adam Lambert! Hahaha.

Sigh. I wish I was the funniest person on earth, so I could make anyone laugh anywhere they are. Whenever my friends are down, I can only do so much with some things said and a few lame jokes haha..
I am blessed. Some people can only wish for what I have. So I cant be greedy, and wish for anymore right?
I texted my friend last night. We were both upset over different things so we just told each other stuff.
I said, I dont like how I so easily feel what other people feel. It makes me sad for no reason. Happy for no reason.
And he said something bout me caring about humans.
Nice choice of words eh, for how long have I been saying I hate humans? In reality, I care, really, too much for this stupid species.

Forget that. I'm feeling my other friend's pain now. And I'm crying for no reason at all.